Love After Rape?

Is love possible after rape?  I have been trying to have a relationship but it just never seems to work out.  I know most of the time it’s me , and I’m glad I’m in therapy. But can you heal and find true love?

Right before spring break I met someone.  I really liked him and we had a lot of chemistry.  I even let him make out with me. But as soon as he wanted to do more I cried and left the relationship.  Felt like he had a split personality after we got to know each other.  He wanted to start having sex and so did I but I freaked out.  I hate that I did that. Then a couple days later I even tried to contact him again because I couldn’t stop thinking about him. All he wanted to do was talk about sex and kept telling me that I’m the only one holding my self back. He’s right to a point.

I’m in therapy and I still have a lot to work on.  Part of me feels that if I wanted to have sex with him I would have.  On the other part I was kind of scared of him because he was a big boy and weighed almost three hundred pounds.  If he was the right one I think I would have known it and felt ok.  But I didn’t feel ok.

I hope some day I can find true love.  I hope I can understand the difference between safe touch and safe love. I know it’s out there somewhere. Maybe I just need to stop looking and be kind to my self.  As a rape survivor , in my experience it’s a huge mile stone for what I did do!! I mean I let him kiss me and make out. We laughed a lot.  I went to his house.  I got in his car. These things I have been terrified of because of my past.

I know it will happen when I’m ready. f you have any experiences like with what I talked about can you please message me or write in the posts your story’s.  In my recovery it’s helped knowing that I’m not alone.

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